There is no stomping in America

Overall I usually dislike 98% of the people that I meet on a regular day. Well, since I got married and became a sappy old woman its come down to 90%. In college I used to make people cry just by looking at them.  At one point I am pretty sure there was a secret club in the sorority dedicated to girls that were scared to speak to me or for girls that didn’t like me for reasons like me stealing their pen, which by the way I did not steal just borrowed. When I say borrow I mean more like grabbing it out of her hand, not the point right now.  

Lately I feel like I’m getting soft or even nice. I find myself smiling to people at the grocery store and replying to people when they start meaningless conversations. I even noticed that I have been purposely getting out of people’s way so as to not run into them. I don’t move for people, people move for me. I don’t want to be nice.

Yet, I have not done anything about my next nemesis, the upstairs neighbors.  Even as I write this there is a stomp fest going on upstairs. The family is made up of a couple and their two young children. During the day the woman stomps around like she is the she-Hulk and allows her younger child to run around their apartment, the louder the better. During the afternoon they go pick up child number two, when I finally get 15 minutes of peace. Upon arriving with child number two, both children begin to run around chasing each other and shrieking, to the point where you think a kitty is being tortured. While this is happening mother is stomping around opening drawers and doors and slamming them as hard as possible. At night as I’m trying to get to sleep I get to enjoy more stomping as they prepare to end the day. And finally if all is well they all go to sleep and bring peace to our apartment. Unfortunately, the other night someone wasn’t able to sleep which led to them stomping around the room until 2 am in the morning, of course I heard all of it.

To say that they stomp around is just not enough. It’s the constant noises of all sorts that make me so mad that sometimes I think I might have a heart attack or stroke. What kind of mother lets her child run around shrieking loudly? Or bang on the floor at least 5 times a day? At this point I am even considering that the woman must perform some sort of sacrifice where she kills a chicken every day to feed it to the family. It makes me even angrier that while I’m angry they get to live on their happy little lives not realizing that I am about to go into angry seizures.

See, I do hate people still. I really hope they can understand what I’m saying when I yell at them through my ceiling/their flood. I saw the whole happy family the other day, it was raining outside and they were blocking the way to our front door by taking pictures of their kids with an umbrella. Seriously? Does it not rain where you come from? I used all my glaring power to let them know that there is nothing in this world that I dislike in this moment than them. In fact, I might even go as far as saying that right now they are number one in my hate list and the iphone is number two. Yea, that’s how serious I am about this.

I need to get a job so husband and I can get out of this apartment complex. I also need to use my Hobby Lobby coupon to buy some spray paint and draw inappropriate things on their door. Wait no I don’t want to get arrested. I will just tape my rocket designs to their door. Also, I think I’m going to start yelling really inappropriate words so their children will learn them. Learning English with Angry Merle, the best program offered in America.

I sometimes get to mad that i make offensive and racist comments, which hurts my heart because I don’t want to be like that. I might hate people but never because of where they come from, who they worship, or who they take home. I hate them for reasons like they are annoying, have ugly faces, have fake blond hair, are skinny, or many others. I might be mean but never racist.

Because of the neighbors I’m also beginning to really dislike children and wondering if I really ever want one of those running around my house. I’ve never even had my own dog, how could I possibly take care of a child. I even abandoned my fish Carlos at my parents’ house because I got tired of feeding him.

Sorry this turned out to be longer than I expected but since I know my readers I have gathered a visual summary for those of you who just scrolled all the way to the bottom without reading anything. 

Until next time friends! Away!