Empty hopes and dreams

Husband has complained that I have been a little emo lately, actually he went as far as to flat out call me an emo little girl. I think by his standards he knows I’m feeling a little emo when he walks in the door and finds me still wearing my pjs and not wearing a bra. I’m sure in his mind he wishes he could walk out the door and go back to work. I don’t blame the poor guy. I sometimes feel like I should attempt to look nice at least when he comes home, and yet I often fail to do so. I guess I can blame everything on Domestic Depression which I have refer to before, but really when he called me emo I really started to think about why I had felt so down recently. Yea, there’s the usual serious answer that I could write about; no job, gaining weight, being a total failure, but the truth is that recently I came to a conclusion that seriously depressed me.

If I ever became a vampire I would not be able to eat Chick Fil A. I know, it’s shocking I’ve never thought about it like that.

For as long as I can remember the “supernatural” aspect of literature and films has always fascinated me. I proudly own the complete DVD set of both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel (thanks to my older brother). I have always been fascinated with vampires, witches, werewolves and anything that didn't fall in the “normal” category. As a young teen I loved reading books that dealt with the supernatural, some of my favorites included: Interview with a Vampire, Blood and Chocolate and Demon in my View.

I will go as far as confessing something about myself that very few people actually know, I used to want to be a writer and several of my short stories are about vampires. I stopped writing when I got to my senior year in high school because by then I guess I was too involved in my real life but I never really stopped thinking about it.

When Twilight came along of course I devoured those books quickly and made sure to tell all my friends about them. (By the way I read the books in college way before the whole Twilight mania that came with the movies.) When True Blood came out it was even better, not only do you get the vampire stuff but you get deliciously hot boys to watch too every week and if that wasn’t enough I could read the series (which is way better than the show). Yes, vampires are my homeboys.

It always made me laugh when in these books the girls have no idea what these mysterious guys are, seriously? And then often they find themselves troubled at trying to figure out whether or now they would want to be a vampire. Seriously? As of recently I would say sign me up, bite me up, go for it dude. But as I was reading through my recent vampire series, the My Blood Approves series by Amanda Hocking, I realized that I feel differently about the issue now.

Maybe its because I’m older and perhaps wiser, maybe it’s because I’m now married, but I really got to thinking about this, I don’t think I could be a vampire anymore.  There are different versions about that a vampire can and can’t do depending on what you read/watch but the major consensus is that you can’t eat food. I just never thought about it like that before, of course I’m feeling emo my lifelong dream has been crushed into tiny pieces.

This is so depressing. I had my plan all laid out, as soon as I was a vampire I would turn super hot (because vampires always get hotter when they turn, except in True Blood but ignore that for now), I would be super strong, and I would be able to turn Ron Weasley into a vampire and we would live happily ever after or until I got tired of him. It would have been the best vampire life ever.

But not anymore, I would never be able to leave my Chick Fil A behind, it just wouldn’t seem right. And yea I guess just because I’m a vampire doesn’t give me the right to have a vampire affair with Ron Weasley, but he’s so bloody cool.

I think that reading so many books has made me realize that even if I wanted to I could no longer write my own vampire bestseller, there is nothing left to tell. Since vampires have become so popular after Twilight it seems like there is nothing left that’s original about them. Do you ever wonder what could have been? If I stuck to my writing and maybe taken a writing class or two, or even bothered to learn proper English grammar maybe one day I could have written a famous vampire novel. (Yes, I admit that I have no idea what the proper use of commas, colons and semicolons are I just use them to make the blog look pretty.)  But now it’s all too late. Not only can I not be a vampire anymore but now I can’t even write about them. Vampire Mrs.Merle would have been so cool, she would have looked a little like this.